Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I saw mere shells of people, racing mindlessly from one activity to another. I saw people pleasers, martyrs, stoics, tyrants, withering vines, clinging vines, and, borrowing from H. Sackler’s line in his play The Great White Hope, ‘pinched up faces giving off the miseries.’”

By referring to the codependents she observed in her work as “mere shells of people,” Beattie suggests that they have lost their sense of self and are emotionally hollow. The phrase “racing mindlessly from one activity to another” implies a frantic, unfocused, and reactive way of living. Beattie then lists several archetypal roles that codependents often adopt, such as “people pleasers,” “martyrs,” and “tyrants,” highlighting the diverse and often extreme ways in which codependency can manifest. The metaphors “withering vines” and “clinging vines” evoke images of weakness, dependency, and a lack of autonomy. By borrowing a line from Sackler’s play, Beattie adds a literary reference that underscores the pervasive sense of misery and unhappiness among codependents.

“They were controlling because everything around and inside them was out of control. Always, the dam of their lives and the lives of those around them threatened to burst and spew harmful consequences on everyone.”

The paradox “They were controlling because everything around and inside them was out of control” suggests that codependents attempt to exert control over others and their environment as a coping mechanism for the overwhelming chaos and instability they experience internally and in their relationships. The extended metaphor of a dam about to burst vividly illustrates the precarious and volatile nature of codependents’ lives and relationships. Just as a dam holds back a large volume of water that could cause destruction if released, codependents feel they must constantly work to contain and manage the potential for disaster in their lives.